The Vaadi

when i was a kid my parents were big proponents of corporeal punishment.
now before i go any further, i should make perfectly clear that i probably deserved 99.9% of my punishment.
as their first child i put them thru their paces. i don't remember all the specifics of all the fuct up stuff i did as a child, but one thing i clearly remember was the vaadi.

For all you non-injun types out there, the vaadi (vah-dee) is the Indian equivalent of a switch or other improvised device to smack your kid around with.

My folks' preferred vaadi was the random branch that would be taken right out of our backyard. As i got older, I even had the privilege of picking out my own vaadi. OH JOY!
and there was none of that picking out a crappy vaadi (eg. a blade of grass would not help my punishment situation.)
But not to worry, if a switch/vaadi wasn't available i'd get whatever was in the immediate vecinity. Other past favorites have included but are not limited to:
1) the wooden ruler that the shoe store always gave out at the beginning of every school year. (i think on some level they knew that their rulers would never be used for straight edge purposes. frackin shoe people.)
2) frosting spreader or wooden spoon. this was when i pissed off the folks in the kitchen. you know, i can't recall ever seeing them cook with the wooden spoon, and i know we never used that plastic frosting spatula to spread frosting. are these things just given out at some child disciplining center?
3) part of a vacuum. this was used only once on me. I used a wiffle ball bat to spin the living room chandelier around and make a disco effect on the living room walls. the chandelier unscrewed and crashed to the floor.
i believe Mom was pregnant with my little brother.
she was PISSED.

Even when i was about to catch a well earned beating i still wouldn't make it easy on my folks.
Hell. I knew i was in trouble.
I knew i was gonna get it.
I'd be damned if i wasn't gonna make them catch me.
(picture a very agile young tomtom diving under coffee tables, and making his mom & dad chase him around the house.)
I think this is a big reason why my parents stayed so slim for so many years.
(never got a thank you.)

In any event here is the modern day Vaadi 2000. Ain't technology grand?